FOOD ADDICTION: SURRENDERING TO FEAR OF DEATH

FOOD ADDICTION: SURRENDERING TO FEAR OF DEATH



yeah excuse me they have they didn't talk to you you know it's good longer the time so no we back and listen to the last one is for it it helps me yeah and yeah don't you agree having helped in the moments that you're starting to kind of lose your bearings where you start to feel disoriented being able to go back into those conversations give you some sense of orientation especially since you can slow them down and listen to the one areas where it's like whatever she just said that right there gives me perspective it's like being able to put on a different lens in that moment to see more clearly so that you don't get so disoriented and backwards right right yeah I know there was a part in there where you're talking about deprivation and shame together making it you know just those that combination of making it just I get it making the issue really those two ingredients yeah bring a gasoline right like yes privation and then J which one comes first I didn't see how was it working I didn't see anything and I had eaten it at feeding for then I should have but I'm trying not to dig myself up about it mm-hmm and then once I got noticed is that when I think I can't remember what it was that I have a right and I felt really sick and I'm able to a couple times I've been able to remember that but that's not prepping up you know like when you drink too much and then sometimes we started to drink you think oh my god wherever life can be dragged down we felt what I never happens with food but I've noticed that that starts starting to well starting to be able to consciously remember what it's like to feel sick and and so when I start to go into eating I'm thinking I don't want to get sick like that again so I'm just get off yeah that's so different than I'm a failure I suck I'm a terrible human being you know all of the darkness that goes into the shame when we remove all the shame then overeating becomes overeating it's not yes it's just you overrate and there's a physical consequence instead of I overate because I'm a failure because I'm going to be depressed because I've done something wrong so the wrongness of eating is be is diminishing for you and what that's making you more clearly aware of is the physical side effect right before the physical side effect you have actually may have wanted in a dysfunctional way that pain where they might have given you a sense of completion or I did it or I'm fed I did it all the way I don't know is that ringing a bell for you oh no no I know that we punished myself with food but I really just don't think that I was consciously aware about you know when I'm in that I'm not really consciously aware of this pain that I'm inflicting on my body yeah sometimes that I worked with actually are seeking out that pain it's like validating how shitty their life is I'm in pain now I'm going to watch a terrible movie now I'm going to shut all the blinds you know it's like they want validation of how victimized they are and how terrible life is for them you know so that's awesome if that's not the case for you that's one less thing we have to get rid of so awesome so yeah I think that you know I think something I want to make clear is that in the recovery process you know there's always the end target which is I don't think about food I don't hurt myself a food I'm not obsessed about dieting I don't feel pressure anymore I'm comfortable in my body even if it's totally uncomfortable literally physically uncomfortable I'm comfortable in my I can adapt to this right there's those are the ultimate end results the way we get there isn't just by thinking about that right the way you get there is by kind of eliminating the survival that you've relationship the survival needs that you have and then the survival relationships you have with your coping mechanisms right are you with me right now okay so but remember we talked about the very first time we talked I said look here's how survival works and I talk discuss Maslow's hierarchy of needs about the foundation of your entire wiring my wiring my kids wiring my husband's where everybody you know you meet everybody on this planet we are all evolutionarily wired psychologically and consciously to prioritize food over everything else when it comes to survival what I mean by that is food is the most important survival need food and water the physiological needs and if it is threatened everything else in this planet gets EMU removed completely because our wiring is to say hey look that's needed to survive and live so we're going to take the brain and all this freedom of thinking and we're going to shut it down because you have to start thinking about where your food is how you're going to get it and making sure you have enough because that's evolution you remember that discussion yeah and how is that threatened your behavior with food has been very predictable hoarding storing over consuming frantic feeding in us impulsively so the survival brain the old animal brains that we have that's underneath the prefrontal cortex it's that primal part of the brain that my dog is run off by you know we are we have a bearded dragon that's living in a primal brain I don't have a prefrontal cortex they don't have the ability to process and conceptualize and have guilt and shame they don't do any of that right so we still have that part of the brain and so what you're stuck in is in that primal need for food and so survival you have this survival need okay and it's emotional okay that needs food to feel better yes yes and so that aspect of recovery we call you can call it ego you have to me go in there what are your feelings about the word ego it seems like that causes all of the it's like either another way of looking at it again young eagle movie so go ahead Oh like happy a server and then you have the person that like Jesse a server that watches what you do and you have a person that's doing it the truck running on oh gosh we were at this is a different day like a problem makeover it's really simple it doesn't have to be complicated a lot of william yahoo is really self-serving so ego is the part of our survival that says fine first it's all about me me me me me this hurting me I want this I need this me survival with nothing say that again yes it's the part of you that says I have to serve me first I'm the most important I me me me okay so it's something that is commonly judged because the behavior that comes from the ego is really self-righteous really self-centered destructive behavior destructive thinking no sense of anything around you there's no remorse typically the ego is always making excuses the oh the ego always says I have a reason for why I'm doing this it's all about me you know for me it's always about me that's the ego and there's a reason for that and it's something that's wired in all of us under certain circumstances if we're not aware so the process of this recovery is that if you have that ego intact how are you going to get to unconditional love and greet and acceptance of your body detachment from your your body if you have self serving needs that you believe are either threatening you or taking from you or that you think you deserve how are we going to get to the point to where you are totally detached from the body and willfully allowing it to run the show I'm guessing you're gonna say let go you go well that's what our goal is that's a leader and those were working on right is to get you to recognize some of these beliefs and these thoughts that you have that are why you're consuming the food you're eating that's why you actually have the pressure right why this relationship with food even exists you know if we get rid of the stories is that you've told about your life and the history of what what you think and all that stuff we are rid of all that what happens to how you relate to this is it even needed the same way is food needed the same way if we get rid of your your self-serving me stories while singing no well think of the times that you choose to over-consume by choice where you're intentionally doing it and today I intentionally did it because I was frustrated about work so you're victimized by work I'm a victim we've talked about that a lot the victim position is always egoic right because it's all about me and what my expectations were and what what's not meeting my needs and how I'm not it's about me not being capable and I feel bad about me you know all that nice stuff right haha so so there's issues that are your perception of work if you don't change that is your relationship with food for that reason going to go away I thought there's also a little is fear to uh I guess fear this I went to the doctor I decided I went to a protest I went an adopter that a new doctor and I should have been gone to any doctor years ago and so probably going to have surgery so I don't know and then he told me that that I'm going to I have to get have to go through some pants to see you know what's the cause of the problem so then someone and this so work I'm family I can't I don't know he's going to do my job when I'm out and I no one is really trained to do what I do and then my coworker told me she's probably have to go for surgery no I was really stressing out about it because I didn't know I didn't I just started have a lot of fear because I don't you know if I have one I know I'm going to have to have surgery and I just started going into all this fear because I you know the risk associated with my weight and the fact that you know I have to be out at all is the fact that if I I've waited too long you know to avoid something that's going to end up killing me so well I didn't I was experiencing I guess kind of fight incident you know I just it's one thing to be out of work and it's another to you're leaving your team with which is just leave it in because there's not going to anybody that can do what you do okay so so can you accept that this is what's happening or do you want to avoid it no I I do want to accept it because I have to go through it if I'm gonna I mean I can't throw it or accept it and get through it did not okay so my question to you is so you're like oh this is why over eight is is that a sign of acceptance or denial and I'll because I don't want to deal with it let's yeah let's think about the feeling of fear – is fear acceptance or is it avoidance photos depending on no no acceptance does not include fear fear can be there is don't do it it's bad okay acceptance is this is what's happening okay fear is a way it's like saying this isn't good don't do it it's a way of saying don't accept this it's a good warning sign to not accept so I make sense it's a precursor so a lot of people have fear before they have acceptance right the fear is not acceptance does that make sense well I figure you get back to your example of primal example if you're in the forest and a lion is chasing you mm-hmm would not be appropriate have fear because if you don't run well the fear is of is it the fear of the lion or fear of death there's a lion eating you that's death fear of death right so if you're running away from the lion who's chasing you you're basically saying I'm not going to accept us nothing wrong with that I'm not judging it it's just a statement of like fear is not acceptance at this period it's not here is a warning sign to don't accept this this is that there is a judgment it's the sign that this is this is relative to what your expectations are what you think are what you're aware of your ability this is outside of your sense of capacity right you're afraid of what might happen yes okay so fear is not acceptance especially if you have fear and you go to a way of hiding and coping okay so so fear ultimately stems from non acceptance and then if you were to say I'm accepting that this is what has to happen what are you accepting in terms of this work scenario well I'm accepting that that putting myself before everyone else so that I can continue to Leo's mm-hmm you're putting life your life is important to you is more important like your existence here is more important than what then being out for two months and and having someone else pleasing other people whether just a mess for two months but so your willingness to do that okay if you accept if you can accept that what's the risk what's the risk that you are accepting accepting judge are you accepting that you might lose your job what are you accepting judgment hands and losing my job because I'm afraid that they will find a way to blame that on me for not for not ensuring someone is trained but even though I tried to change somebody so so those are the things you just have to accept in order to get the surgery there's no way around it right those are your fears even if they're they're not let's just say that you're blowing out of proportion I don't know if that's true or not but let's just imagine that's the case you still have to accept what you're blowing out of proportion to get to where it fear is removed you go into what is the risk I need to get this surgery done it's going to have a trickle effect it's going to affect this office and good effect and they're going to need to find a substitute for a couple points for me and because of that they might fire base in the surgery that important to where you really that's what you're gonna have to face you have to be okay with it well I don't know yet I have to have a chance one day so they're not buying again that's probably a biopsy okay so going into your fear instead of avoiding it it allows you to find a sense of of will and at least logic in this decision by experiencing fear and then avoiding it or judging it hiding from it what you're doing essentially is your what what you're supporting the idea that you're not capable and and there's a negative it's really negative that makes sense the position you're taking is this is bad right yeah that obvious that we need to find out what it is that we can set how much we do this is better and yeah okay but it is that that's probably custody suffice not what you say do you think I'll need surgery yes we just need to find out you know we've been doing find out we're coming promise yeah and woody where where it's coming from what it is so but you know it's a it's a it's I always have to have surgery so I know that much I just don't know what it is you know what what I don't know no you don't know what it is just okay so this is a good example of life right yes imagine you know my daughter gets in a car wrecks um I don't know what happened and the reality is that she can die right so the willingness to accept what had happened willingness to accept here's the thing for you what is there is there already whether you've got it figured out or not you have to be willing to accept if there's an issue they're going to find it and I have an issue that I'm going to have to accept because it's already there so do you see how in that scenario your willfulness to go into into what's going on what happens when you do that what happens to fear I don't know it is I don't because away uh-huh so part of this takes humility there's a humbling process to this remember last session I said I said I told you how for me in when I was willing to getting ready to commit suicide I'd sent you in my mind I remember thinking I've already messed this whole life up I mean it is so gone it is so done it's all over I've already messed up clearly that was in relation to religious ideology right I thought of that not oh well now you get to find out if you know your old life is just going to go ahead and take your number if you're going to get to have any life well this done just think when I pop a boost up this is my point is if the war is over you have to accept the damages of the war time lost say that again that's a good way to look at it we have the war's over so the question is if the war is over why are you still fighting right so your weapon of food why is that even being used if you've actually surrendered to the war so obviously you haven't surrendered like it's still going right you still think you're fighting for something what are you fighting for to where food would be an appropriate weapon where food makes sense that makes you know stop lining up why would food make sense as a weapon it doesn't it's like a pain pill well it does it does actually is in somewhere in there food is being threatened again that primal base of our awareness is if food is being threatened in any way food is the solution so there is a connection maybe that you still linked to my body is horrible my body is failed I need to lose weight I shouldn't be eating so there might be some of that underlying feelings of I'm not always doing something wrong if I'm eating it's just always I'm always doing something wrong it's always bad that might still be there I don't know what do you think yeah if I think it's yeah like after we hung up I think the next day up I was fine until I started to eat and then it's like it started over enough are there's no way I'm going to be like students middle it's clear hey then I mean I listened and then I had a meal and where I hate and I sat down and like two minutes later I was able to recognize and I was full and for some reason that gave me hope that I could actually do that ferment there are others and lacking remember because I can't I keep every time I good at cuz every time I go to eat you know I just think about oh gosh you know how much should I be eating is that volley I decided this you know if I can't accept myself as gaining weight I can at least accept myself as saying it the way that I am so that that helps me that helps me because I could I could I could ten signs of that I could I could be noticed I could say okay I can beat this way forever is the gaming part was like that was a little that's a little difficult because is like a like a why don't be able to walk so yeah well another how Beckett for yeah look at how you feel about your weight in that situation and then how you feel about your weight when you want your food for that emotional reason do you see how disjointed those are how like you say that but your behaviors clearly doesn't give a that's it which one's the which one's the bigger priority in terms of need your fear of gaining or the need for food when you feel fear which one is more important in the moment that's the feeling that fear of yeah exactly so when you say I can't gain it just makes no sense because your behavior is totally going to make your about a game so you're going to gain for sure right so that connection I think has to be made for you as well that well I cannot want to gain I can be upset about gaining all I want I can have a fit a tantrum I can be devastated by gaining all I want but unless I go into this way of thinking and how I'm using food this way and then how it's feeling bad about my body is actually supporting all of this I'm going to gain weight whether I like it or not do you see that you don't well yeah I see it so you're feeling the power look at your feelings about gaining weight those are real they're not made-up feeling those are real feelings that you have about fear would you say you have fear of gaining more weight yeah so that fear don't you agree is going to be really inflamed the kind of how you have this relationship with food patti-anne us so the fear you have of gaining weight is really inflamed because you are clearly behaving with food your relationship with food is excessive am i wrong right my relationship with food is accepted is excessive there's a lot of commitment oh yes it's dominant you have a dominant relationship with food yes and so you so what does that do as you're consuming food to your fear of gaining weight what if I can feel like I'm totally out of control and can't trust myself okay go back to my question what does your Europe your what does your over reliance with food it's an excessive reliance with food wouldn't you agree it's like a glove and beyond reliance on food okay what does that do to your fear of gaining weight you're consuming as you're eating what happens with the fear of gaining weight I start to feel shame and I start to feel bad about what they'll correct the fear goes up as you're eating with your food fear about your weight as you eat okay and then I start thinking about how I can not straight you know when you think about what I'm not doing this good I'm sucking I'm failing I'm a failure and it's not the food it's the weight that creates that sense do you see there yeah you know it it's like I said okay and then I like I went I went to the doctor that's okay I'm okay with us that's us that's not a big deal to me this flipping is normal it's part of this process this isn't just going to happen until it does okay so until it does it's going to be like this and as you go through this as you slip it's going to be clearer and clearer and clearer and clearer and clearer to you to where it gets easy okay so be okay I mean you can't afford to be a jerk to yourself anymore yeah good I can't help it you know as I go it really helps to know that you know just because I've managed that means opting into the world because I just find it you know as I is that if I go throughout my yep as I go day after day long without Lister's you know I go back and listen to the video this you know that I can you know that I get a little better and I think it's you know like like yesterday like last night I had I can't get enough of those Philly cheesesteak sandwiches actually bought us what I ended up eating all the time and um and even though I probably more than then what I consider to be our doubting when I'm hungry I find that I'm feeding myself on a plant even though it's the desired weight and not just until he's wide to keep telling myself like okay Heather you have to accept your weight you have to accept your weight got to accept your way because if you don't you'll just continue eating mm-hmm true well yeah and it's not helping or do you find that it kind of is okay and then it but it never really takes away your anxiety about your weight it does it takes the work I have to say it in a hundred day so it's done – thanks to you yeah okay so what this really is going to take for you is a willing you're gonna die so I'm just going to go straight to death okay I had to do the same thing even though physically I didn't have an imminent well actually I take that back because you're actually more likely to die when you're starved to be honest with you heart attacks when you're bulimic I mean the risk of death is massive for the anorexic bulimic far more than binge eaters okay but going into the that you're gonna die you realize I'm gonna die too and I'm gonna die the way my body dies I'm right I'm gonna die there's no doubt about it so are you and there is an end and it will have it and is right and just accept it that you're conscious right now you're thinking right now you're aware of your surroundings right now you have a life right now your body's alive right now isn't it so do you want to spend your life right now fixated on fear and so and then anxiety up your waist because that's what's happening and the longer you've done it in your life what has happened to the body that you're in it's just a peasant got a smaller lot for sure it just gets bigger in what's happened to how you related to food the more you feel bad about your weight it just came towards the obsession it sounds worse so except you're going to die just accept it okay just know that the bodies will to survive here is going to end at some point okay and it's not at this point it's the body's will and it can't be yours anymore and I want you to really think about what that means for you let's just say you have five more years five okay you're the doctor and all you have five years at the most five what are you going to do with it what do you want to focus on with the last five years do you want to think about food every day all day long well doesn't that dress is that in your mind just go just diminish greatly because food essentially has taken over your life but only because you have this an insane degree of here around your weight in that manifest and fear that foods going away so food has become so massive and completely a codependent in a codependent relationship your need for food is become so massive because of your shame about your weight right so if you're if you have a five-year prognosis they got five years what would you do from this second forward would you worry about it out well would you how long would you worry about it would you go into acceptance what would it feel like to accept that what would happen if you said alright I accept it that's it what happens when you accept that but I'll have to worry about I don't have to worry about being skinny anymore or getting better and tell me how that is tell me how that would change things over the next five years obviously you're going to want to be as comfortable as you can so you're going to go through the surgery of course right but what happens to this what happens to fear oh my god they might fire me oh my god what happened to all that what matter cuz I'm gonna die anyway Kurtz cashout log okay Jimmy yeah you know yeah you might continue to work just because it gives you something to do just think about how this would change except you're going to die go into acceptance go ahead I got fired at all because you know I'm not going to be around too much longer to worry about my name several I could be you know I'll probably sell my house and get on the first floor apartment sold again and you know fun a pleasure I found a place to live where the other four other people thank you I know I think about found out that health care has five years the others and I was going to have to be taken care of I probably just kill myself because I don't really want to be taking happy I don't want to take care of any I would have to pay somebody and I'm really think about that so you're telling me that life isn't worth living so the five years of life that you do have aren't even worth it I guess it was depend on how much I would have to you know how much help I would be if I have to have help yes which is what in a four million so I'll probably would rather just you know check out I mean so your new only life is not worth it if you need help yeah because I want to be able to ask for help well why why why wouldn't you be able to afford it you're affording it right now why does it have to change now I mean if I was completely dependent on somebody else for everything they right now live by myself and not passing by anything why would you change that why would you check why would you change that if you have five years to live I mean is life if I had five years left I mean I would if I thought was five years and I wouldn't mean if you're dying and can you sure it's only get worse you have to go into hospital and you know that's not how what I described let's just assume you're gonna have a heart attack okay you're changing this into some horrible story and that was not the intention but this is why you're separated just imagine you find out you're going to die in five years I didn't create this terrible horrible story for you to tell you made it way worse than when I suggested I mean it became a nasty story you're just gonna die you're in dying by Tears okay I knew I was gonna die in five years I probably was yeah would move to Florida I would find a place to live there's a beach and I would either keep the same I had if I was able to you or I would you know find another work at home job yeah to support your son things you want to do yeah and I probably nice fun somebody a roommate or something yeah what would you start focusing on what would you focus on by having a good talk mm-hm tell me what would happen to this all of this fear and pressure and what would happen – what would you focus on what would what would be greatly diminished in focus and what would be more expressed Apollo I'll probably wouldn't worry so much about what people thought of me and I was just trying to try on either stay to myself or I always try to find or if I was able to find people that you know you Sippi around mm-hmm you know join me around would it feel more peaceful – yeah I would feel I wouldn't care so much about whether or not people like me I wouldn't hear their money you know you just want to hear it so what you're saying is like I would surrender the ego immediately I wouldn't care about what people think of remember when I said the ego is all about me me me me me me me me me me okay when you say I wouldn't care what people think of me if you care what people think of you you're thinking about yourself it's all about me and what everybody thinks of me their perception of me so the ego again when what you're describing is the dismantling of ego my ego would go away that's another way of saying what you just said my ego and the need for people to like me would diminish greatly I wouldn't care what anybody thought about me it wouldn't be about me make sense yeah be more about experience there's a shift that's what I'm trying to help you feel that's the whole point of man saying you're going to die in five years it's for you to actually feel the shift of what changes and how different that feeling would be right yeah I felt it firm up felt the per minute last time we talked it's amazing it's like you know what that's when I said to you when I was telling you I've already failed it's all up it's over so I might as well just give myself freedom now yes it's irreparable there's no way to fix this this irreparable damage has been caused so why am I still fire the words over I lost a lot of work so if it helps you to think I'm going to die in five years so what I'm that's a long enough period of life that is worth getting your job it's worth you know getting like moving on with your life just move on does it make sense for you to really care what people think mm-hmm would you learn doctor I think spending what they can do for me yeah I need to then they can be such assholes and so Signet izing in judgment over this type of situation you know what I thought I had to posit a doctor because the last doctor I think going to you've been ignoring me and telling me because of my weight and like yeah they do not understand the underlying issue they don't understand the ego involved in what you're doing they don't they don't understand that the fear you have of your weight create such severe anxiety when you eat they do not connect those dots the severity of anxiety that you experience by just eating something create such humongous issues that you might as well just eat the whole bag my god fine I don't think anybody understands into you honestly yet I've never found anyone that really understands it or been able to explain it towards India man exclaiming so my so with that said does it make sense to expect that people to be so kind to you about when they just think you're super up and you can't even control yourself what's your problem they just don't get it they don't understand that this is that you have felt this is so catastrophic to you that smelling food smell guilty you know so again what happens to all of that drama if you were accepting that you're going to die the acceptance of it is where I'm headed that accept that this is irreparable damage well I just wouldn't matter anymore you you would fix once you get to acceptance what happens to the fear what happens to the drama I guess the way yeah and now you start to focus on the end of your life what do you want to do with the time you have lost you look quite a bit of time to be honest with you so what do you want to do with it now this is irreparably damaged it's over you lost the war it's over damage is done and it's permanent okay yeah do you really what do you want to do with the last five years of your life let's just use that as a as a visualization so you can feel what this dismantling of the ego feels like what would you want to focus on over the last I love what you're saying about I would go to Florida yes okay yes I can think of it I go to I'll get a Florida and live near the beach that's what I've always that's not what a city for the last five years and Florida or California and it probably forward it and just leave on the beach or near the beach you know and just drink coffee and go to you know those little bars they have on the beach shut for us icon and don't be nice have a friends together places good you know and just you know get a place I don't know just talk to people tell me how you would experience like how would you feel about someone judging you in that scenario I would just think well like I don't know anything about me so whatever there would you care to change ah hold on a second you so you're telling me that someone outside of you if they judge you you're going to allow it to impact how you feel you're going to die in five years keep that in mind and you've accepted it does someone else's opinion are you going to let them take this time here you're going to let them affect you like that you want someone who's ignorantly critical – are you going to give them your life are you going to give them that period of time I'm going to give them power over you or would you rather just accept you're going to be judged just accept it ahead of time and don't worry about it like don't flip the works give it power remember when you said if I wouldn't let people's opinion affect me so much remember when you just said that well I won with it thank you so much but I will be lying it was the same at all because if it makes is it create this disconnect between people you know the Queenie in the world things like if people can't relate to you that means you're being nurse that that right there is the egos talking I'm talking to your ego right now it's all about me and I want connections to me in there disconnecting to me and I want so that's the me part of you in order for you to recover because what's going to happen when you feel sad what are you going to go to to get rid of sadness now connecting the dots with like so the sad I can't imagine not caring that what like that's because you're yeah that's because that so this is where we have to solve problems this is a problem the goal is that if someone has a projection of criticism on to you let me give you this scenario like up right um I called me yesterday and she immediately started talking about the Fitbit now I should get one to track my calories and all the stuffing up as well I said I'm not dieting anymore I found you know I found someone helping me understand it that's what my problem is is I tried to explain to her and she's anything and then so we kept talking so she brought us it again and I'm like she better be in it we talked about something else is she brought it she asked me how my dating life was and then she stressed telling me you know how that you know I was fat blond hair so it fell out wait you know I'll be so beautiful as blush and so I should try to miss the point so I tried that weigh in and take that just begin and so does the phone conversation went on she started talking about her bike bell so we didn't talk about that anymore and Institute then we hung out was in a negotiation company and she thought I would be very interested in excellence knowing your own I've gotten Fitbit because her to discolor to get it wrapped up and get moving so it's kind of like that's usually where the conversation goes with most people I don't know if it's because I just develop because of you know where I am about to do up trenches without where we talk about weight maybe I just need to get some new friends but it's kind of hard to it's kind of are you like have a conversation with the person kind of like you want to be alone I'll be running session because I I don't I don't constant everybody wants to wrestle yeah everybody wants to rescue you right everybody wants to rescue you like this is going to rescue you because getting a man is what life's all about and you're going to need to lose weight to get a man and so the Fitbit is going to rescue you can lose weight so that you can get a man right so everybody is inhaling – that's out like half the world that you have and in order to be you know so here's what the here's what the response would be like for someone recovered thanks I really appreciate the suggestion okay maybe I'll look into that God but I'm really happy right now I'm really enjoying my life I really you know I'm just not in a rush to find a boyfriend you know you just accept I don't have a boyfriend I must be a loser I accept the loser ISM in that spot rather so relative to that person they think you suck and they want to help your suckiness so because you suck and they think you need to not suck you should do what they do to not suck because they don't suck to or they don't suck what you do right so just accept the judgment so this is where you have to in order to get release from the ego which is what happens when I have Center clients have the same ego they're afraid of people thinking they suck right except that people think you suck and you're inadequate you don't have a boyfriend you're overweight you should get a Fitbit you're not getting a Fitbit and now she's gonna feel like you're not doing what she says that you she's not going to help you anymore she's trying to help you so she's taking the role of the rescuer the question is are you really the damsel in distress are you really a victim that needs help you can't handle it are you is that something you would do is that a position you would take if you've accepted that you're going to die figure out your star I've never thought about like an end like that you just accept what they are afraid you're going to have yeah I'm totally good thank you so much appreciate that help which is actually abuse and you just know she's just trying to rescue you you know that's someone who they are just projecting they don't they want to help you but you're somehow asking for help so this is where the issue you're going to have to get over is you are no longer a victim hi it this is better for me like I I am NOT a victim anymore I can handle this I am capable and I don't go that way 400 pound well you can handle it we never said you have to be glad we never said you have to want this we just have to say accept it accept that you can handle this you're not a victim of your 400 pound body you participated in it you're not a victim of the fact that you need a surgery you know the victim position is your problem if you're a victim guess what you have what you need you need help if you're a victim again the position of the victim is powerless I am powerless I am losing I am a failure I'm powerless this happened to me well once you say no I'm not a victim your person you you are now taking responsibility and you're saying even if you feel inadequate you feel inadequate you're saying whatever that inadequacy is it has to be good enough because I am NOT going to get a risk I'm not going to get the rescue you've used food as your rescuer so what happens in this victim rescuer dynamic is when it gets way off kilter is the victim becomes really weak and incapable and the crutch they're using becomes extremely big and strong and so the need for the crutch gets bigger and bigger as the person using it the victim gets weaker and weaker and so what you have to do is the weak victim in this process as you have to say I'm I am accepting my weakness I can handle feeling weak I can even if I don't feel like I can handle it I'm going to handle it I'm not going to be a victim anymore I'm not going to feel incapable anymore or I'm not going to fear being incapable because you might be incapable but don't fear it anymore because if you fear the incapability what are you going to reach for a rescuer I need help I can't handle it right the rescuer and I need to lose weight that's a rescuer because I like sucks well does it really suck do you really need a rescuer do you really need to fit fit I mean honestly you and I are both I mean is not hilarious because we're going to wear it you need a fix it oh that's going to make everything better isn't it actually I have one in a drawer somewhere so next thing she wants to say yeah I got my Fitbit thank you I'm so glad you because really she this person cares they're just taking responsibility to rescue you I'm going to help you you got to help yourself right and that means you've got it kind of a lemming yeah I want you safe but that's not going to change anything for you is it in fact if someone else yes can you can yeah and you can be and you can accept that just accept that accept that they that people are going to be worried accept your fears just go into your fears spend time thinking about what am I afraid of and don't escape the fear you know I'm too weak I can't handle this well what if you don't have a choice then you accept it so you go through these accepting processes of everything you fear accept it I'm going to die accept that I might die that's true I'm gonna die whether I'm thin fat or anything in between in fact you're more likely to die when you're dieting losing weight of a heart attack is heart arrhythmia and just different types of like if you're starving yourself and your super restrictive you can have a lot of complications but those complications you know you're complications go up when you're gaining too so it's kind of like you're at risk of dying right now either direction you though so how much longer do you want to take your life and focus on that as focusing on your fear of death actually done anything for you is that what you want to do with every day that you're living I mean every day is a life that you've been given and you're focusing it on fear and food pyramid do you want to focus on those two things go then stop right so how do you stop letting go accepting it alright I'm going to stop recording

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